Death Note Drabbles
by That Rabid Fangirl
Summary: Yes, it's all of my drabbles in one handy 'story'. And don't worry, fans of Morals, they're here too. Anyway, come here for a Death Note drabbely good time! K plus just in case.
1. Explanation

Hullo! I've decided that it's about time I had a thing all for drabbles. I realise now that some of my work is already pretty drabble-ish, so I'm going to put all drabbles into here and then delete the other stories. That way, there's no pressure on me to write more, I can write whatever I want and just shove it into drabbles, AND you can access all of my drabbles at once!! Death Note drabbles, that is. Duh. So, I'll be off now, and leave you with a few of the drabble type things I've already done. Things work better this way, and if you don't agree now, you will later. And if you don't later… erm… TOO BAD!

Love from TRF


	2. L's Death's Morals

L was sitting at his desk

_Spoilers: What happens to L, Near's name, Light's plan, L's true name  
_

L was sitting at his desk. Eating as usual. He had his feel up on the seat, and his manners were atrocious. He was even slurping his coffee! No wonder he was an orphan. When his parents saw they had a child like L, they probably killed themselves. And who could blame them? Look how he'd grown up – a small, self-centred man who loved sugar more than real people.  
Unless, of course, you're a fan of yaoi.  
And that slouch! Slouches are evil! Wammy-san really should have done something in that regard. In fact, it's all Wammy-san's fault! He is the true evil! The supplier of sugar! The pro-slouch guy! We must pity Near for having to take on this strenuous role later on (he's doing his bit by eating chocolate already – that'll cause weight problems later on, Natey!).  
Of course, we all wonder, _How can L eat this and not be fat? Mello, too!_ The truth is, Obata is not very honest in his drawing. Just like Ronald McDonald he is portrayed as a stick-think figure, tall, with very scary feet!  
But back to the moral! We, who have ignored the spoiler alert above because we already know of L's tragic fate, have had to cope with his tragic loss of life (though we get Natey-kins later on – skwee!). I couldn't sleep for three nights.  
So, therefore, we also know how he died. Light got Rem to kill him – and Wammy-san, too. Justice is served to you, evil old man! Of course, this also killed Rem. But more on the morals Rem teaches us later!  
Let us examine what L was doing at the time of his death. Eating and drinking coffee. HOW MUCH SUGAR WAS IN THAT COFFEE, L? And he died. Of course, he could have had organ failure that was a complete coincidence with the writing down of his true name, which of course is L Lawliet (what kind of crappy name is that?), not simply "Lawliet" as some people like to call him. L was in fact his first name, so it was a pretty stupid codename. Light was half there without even knowing it. (More on the morals L's name presents later).  
And so, L died! Fell off his chair. Maybe he might've stayed on if he'd been sitting on it right. L does seem to do a lot of falling off chairs ("OMG, a shinigami. Lol, that is so _random_.").

**Morals:  
**Slouching + sugar + evil old men death  
****


	3. Rem's Morals

_Spoilers: Rem's death, Gelus, Sidoh, Ryuk, the relation between Halle and Mello, Wedy, the President of the United States and Mello, _

Rem is a very perplexing Death Note character. Maybe it's her inability to show any emotion of any sort. Maybe it's the fact that she's the only female shinigami given more than two lines. She truly is a… well, I can't say _man_ of mystery, and she isn't a woman. Female of mystery, possibly?  
But Rem is a good person, or a good shinigami. She truly loves Misa, and we all are forced to wonder – is this love she speaks about friendship type love or "I'm-Gelus-I-Love-Ya-Gonna-Save-Ya-From-Stalker" love? Though, in the end, Rem comes to the same rusty end as Gelus, for the same reason: Misa Amane.  
What is so alluring about Misa-Misa? You can't say no to her. She's bubbly, bright, hyper-active and kind of annoying. She refers to herself as "Misa", to the annoyance of everybody except Matsuda, sparking numerous fanfiction about the pair kissing, falling on love, not being able to get together because of Misa's dead-set devotion to Light and then having a semi-sad ending. They're everywhere, and to be honest, I love them.  
But the thing about Rem is that she follows orders. Sidoh probably wouldn't if he had an IQ over 2, and Ryuk never does. So, is this telling us something? The old-fashioned belief that females should follow orders? Death Note is very gender-specific, with all the men getting smart/high roles. The only woman I thought that might have a chance and dignity was Halle, but oh no, she had to go and shower with Mello. Tsk, tsk, tsk. As for Wedy, she was oh-so Hollywood and a complete cliché of your typical glamour robber, which was what she was. It was completely unfair to the American population, as well. Many American stereotypes are used in Death Note, including the weak and chicken Vice-President. And the President killing himself so he didn't fire a missile (which he couldn't have done anyway, because it would have killed others – whoops!) was straight out of a corny (yet loveable) cliché American film like _Air Force One _(marry me, Harrison!).  
I suppose it would be easy to say that it was her goodness that got Rem killed, so that's what I'll say. She was too nice. So…

**Morals:  
**Being a good person/shinigami will get you killed. Oh, and DO NOT follow orders. Ever.


	4. L's Name's Morals

_Spoilers: L's name, all the Wammy kids' names, SPK's real names, the Mello-Near accidental switch, Watari's name, _

L Lawliet. What kind of name is that? It's the name of a world-famous detective, and one of the most elusive men on earth.  
Death Note is very fond of fake names, which is sometimes a good idea. Poor Halle Bullook, with a name like that. I think we all agree that Linder is nicer than Bullook. But Nate River is such a pretty name. So why "Near"? As opposed to "Over There" or "Far Away"? Or even "Close"? And, as any good Death Note fan will know, Mello and Near were accidentally switched at design stage, so maybe Mello's name meant that Mello was "mellow" and Near was always "near to danger"??  
But back to L's name. The oddity is that thing uber danger-scared man would use his first name as his globally known nickname. Maybe he thought it was something they'd never work out? Of course, Light needed Rem to do the hard work for him, but he was half-way there the whole time and he didn't even know it! And would Light have looked to see what L's name was in Rem's notebook _after_ she died? How could he not? I think it was something very lacking in the storyline. After all, he used that Death Note afterwards, didn't he? Strapped it to himself, if memory serves.  
Of course, it isn't really relevant to the plotline, but I'm honestly surprised by L's blatant stupidity. A great genius, 100 on an entrance exam that he'd never studied for and didn't count for anything, and he _still_ can't notice this fatal flaw? No, I don't think L would be that stupid. I think this nickname was created by the mother of all evil: Wammy-san (you may have noticed I have been developing a "thing" for this).  
Of course, "Watari", or Quillish Wammy, is the man who "cultivates detectives in his spare time", like you or I would grow peas or breed budgerigars. So, this centre of all evils, the inventor, couldn't even think enough to save L from the embarrassment of having a dumb nickname. No, these intelligent people wouldn't slip up like that. This is obviously of evil intent by Wammy-san. How could anybody make a mistake this obvious, especially these uber-clever folks? It's impossible. It must be a plot, though I'll have to explore that more in "Wammy-san's EVIL morals of DOOM".  
So, the morals for this are:

**Morals:  
**Using your first name for a code name is a stupid idea. And never trust weird old men.


	5. Wammysan's EVIL Morals of DOOM

_Spoilers: Wammy-san's demise, Wammy's House stuff_

Now, we all know that the most evil of all Death Note characters, surpassing even Light (towards the end) is Wammy-san! He taught L his bad manners! He spoils brainiac orphans and raises them to be prodigies. It's _just_ _not natural_! Where is the justice for these poor spoilt orphans! There is no father figure in their lives – it states quite clearly in _How To Read_ that Rodger doesn't even like children! How can he take care of an orphanage if he doesn't even like kiddies?? This is criminal neglect, and who is the head of this? QUILLISH WAMMY!! He who even abandoned his family to care for L's sweet tooth and to be his personal secretary!  
But back to the little orphans in England. With no father figures they grow up strange and weird. Look at Near! He shuts himself off from the world, playing puzzles and being generally brilliant! And Mello has an inferiority complex even bigger than Matsuda's because nobody ever told him he was any good! Now look at him! He's turned to chocolate (and probably booze) to dull his unhappiness. And how old is Matt? 20? Already he's a chain smoker (and probably has been for several years) and stays home all day living in basements playing _World of Warcraft_ and _Halo 3_. This reminds me of a story my cousin told me about a man on _WoW_ who called himself Bullrush. He lived in the basement of a married couple's house (who were also addicts to the saddening and expensive game). Anyway, some other stuff that I can't remember, but that doesn't matter! Surely this reclusive is Matt in disguise!  
But we must all remember what happens to this master of all evils. A little thing called being killed. I must admit, I've always wondered _when_ Rem saw him, exactly, but she probably went looking. Wouldn't have been that hard. Actually, sometimes I feel a little sad when I think of Wammy-san's fate… but it doesn't bother me for long. He deserved it! I can list his sins! Bringer of the tooth-decay; He Who Ignores Bad Posture; tyrant of brainy orphans; secretary; criminal neglecter! And many more! Oh-so many more! Basically, I think we can all agree that Wammy-san is a true evil and DESERVED to die! Kira had all the right in the world to kill off Wammy-san (see his sins)!

**Morals:  
**Being an inventor will only cause pain, suffering and loss.


	6. Matsu's TOTALLY UNBIAS Morals

_Spoilers: Stuff. I can't be bothered with spoilers any more._

Ah, Matsuda. How I feel for him. Everybody's all, "Oh, Light's so brilliant, and handsome, oh, thanks for doing all this work Light, you're so _nice_!" when Matsu is the real good looking – uh, I mean, hard working one…

Of course, I think we can all see where this is headed. Matsuda is, of course, the reason Light gets killed, aka: he liberates the world. Not to mention, if Matsuda hadn't gone into Yotsuba, they never would have heard about the killing thing! What about Wedy, I hear you ask? Well, Wedy would have been all super spy, but Matsuda buckled down and did the REAL work! All the good ones are married or non-existent.

After all, I mean, he IS what captures/kills Kira. He is the beginning of a Kira-free world. He's like Superman!

But there ARE some flaws. Well, not _flaws_, but things that need working on. For one, his inferiority complex. Poor Matsu. He tried so hard, and did so much work, and yet Mogi and Light always commanded attention. There was nothing he could do but sweatdrop and break his neck trying to look up at Mogi (who appears to be very tall).  
And, how come he likes Light so much? I mean, not being bias or anything, but there are so many better REAL people he could like… ahem… I think this has probably something to do with Light being a father figure to him, and _**nothing more**_. He probably had a troubled childhood. Poor Matsuda! And he probably got teased at school because he wasn't that smart. But he has other smarts, just not book smarts!!

And you gotta love that cowlick… that probably helps him somehow.

You know what I think? I think we have some very important lessons to learn from Matsu. So, without further ado…

**Morals:**

Act and look _exactly_ like Matsuda and you'll be a hit with the ladies. Or lady.


	7. Weird and Annoying Pairings

**THE WEIRDEST AND MOST BOTHERSOME DEATH NOTE PAIRINGS EVER**

I suppose the name says it all. I've read a lot of fanfiction, and I've noticed that some pairings are repeated, like Matt x Mello, and L x Light. Well, there are some pairings that you never see, and I'd like to share some of them with you, and my thoughts on those.

_Matt x Near  
_I've seen one or two of these, and they just don't seem to work. I mean, think about it. Near doesn't mention Matt once, nor Matt Near. And at Wammy's, Matt probably avoided Near because of the whole Mello issue.

_Misa x Mogi  
_Again, I've seen one of these. It was weird. I think it was set in their Near inflicted confinement. I repeat: weird. Weird, weird, weird.

_Gevanni x Rester  
_That just goes against the grain. It's too jarring. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever. And come on; they're never even in the same room.

_Rem x Ryuk  
_Anyone who writes these: READ THE RULES! That's all I'll say.

_Near and/or Mello x L  
_…uh, _how_? When do they meet, exactly? When they're at Wammy's and L is visiting? Oh, because **that's** his highest priority.

_Misa x Taki_

Am I the only one who thinks that's really dumb? Oh, wait, I'm sorry, they understand each other's love of Light yada yada yada. No.

_Rester x Near_

EEEEEWWW!!

_Mello x Random Mafia Member_

That doesn't make much sense. I mean, sure, they're at the same place, but they all have Barbie-shaped girlfriends in dresses the size of hankies. I'm sorry, Mello, but you could never replace that, no matter how many times people mistake you for a girl.

_Misa x Wammy-san  
_I read one of these. Not here. But I did. I nearly gagged. He's so… so wrinkled! It was so disturbing! And old! And EVIL! And Misa, I mean, she can do better. Not that Light is better. Well, actually, it's probably a tie.

_Taki x Teru_

Or, as it is sometimes affectionately called, Taku. Though fairly common, it sure grosses me out. How are they supposed to fall in love, anyway? They only meet, what, once? And Taki is so hopelessly infatuated with Light that she's blinded to everything, including suspicious ex-FBI bodyguards telling her to drive off with mysterious men/possibly women.

_Near x Tohru Honda  
_FRUITS BASKET AND DEATH NOTE WILL NEVER WORK!

_Light x Ryuk  
_No, no, no. That's just – no. No, I'm not even going there. That's far too disturbing.

_Matsuda x Linder  
_… I know I wrote one. Doesn't stop it from being weird. I guess I justified mine… sorta… kinda… maybe… it's not _that_ hypocritical… I'm not saying _not_ to write these, just that they're weird. Don't look at me! Gah!

_Sayu x Mello  
_I read one of these too. I think I Faved it… anyway, please explain. Sayu and Mello? Really. Can anyone else see something weird about that? Plus, I wouldn't go off getting cuddly with the man who (indirectly) killed my pa and had a major hand in killing my brother.

_Aizawa x L_

Aizawa? I have a problem with him. I don't like his attitude. _And_ he's married, but that doesn't stop everyone, does it?

_Mido x Wedy_

I like Mido, but that doesn't mean this isn't stupid. Again, when do they meet, pray tell? And why wouldn't he just get Yotsuba Kira to kill her? His heart was moved? Pah, this is the head of Finance – that hates finance. He'd be killing (and smashing) a lot of things, including Wedy's face. If he could, little maths nerd.

_Beyond Birthday x L_

Just going into _Murder Cases_ territory a bit, I'd like to mention that this is so dumb. BB is kind of… insane, and I don't think L would go for that. Unless, of course, he's in the hand of an L x Light writer.

_Raye Penbar x Light_

I think Yuki'd have something to say about that! Still… young, innocent high school student falls for his older, dashing, half-American stalker. I can totally see that! Not.

_Random OC x Other Random OC_

OCs make sense… to a point. I mean, there has to be other people the "real" characters interacted with, yes? But when two OCs get to together and/or take over the story… well, that just makes me mad! Sometimes I get so mad, I… I beep them! (for those who've had the pleasure of the Aussie Angry Whopper ad).

_Assorted Japanese Task Force Members x L  
_… enough said there and then.

_Assorted Japanese Task Force Members x Wammy-san  
_EEEK!

_Self Insert x Anyone_

That's a serious problem. Self Inserts should be kept in the head at ALL TIMES. I repeat: ALL TIMES.


End file.
